This simple story illustrates a
common misunderstanding in how people conceptualize happiness: individuals
often become overly focused on the destination (goals) while neglecting the way
they travel (values). In psychology, particularly within Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy (ACT), clearly distinguishing between these two concepts is
essential for escaping the happiness trap.
Goals: Illusory Mountain Peaks
In modern life, goals are often
treated as mountains to be conquered. In psychological terms, goals refer to
specific outcomes that individuals wish to achieve in the future, such as
buying a house, getting married, or reaching an ideal body weight.
However, a life that is excessively
goal-focused often leads to chronic dissatisfaction. The mind tends to
construct persuasive narratives such as: “I will only be truly happy once I
get this job,” or “when I finally find the perfect partner.” In this
framework, the present moment becomes merely a temporary period of endurance,
tolerated only for the promise of a brief moment of satisfaction in the future.
This disappointment is partly
rooted in a basic psychological mechanism known as the hedonic treadmill. Human
beings adapt rapidly to positive changes. Just as the eyes adjust when moving
from darkness into light, the excitement experienced after achieving a goal
quickly becomes the new psychological baseline. The initial joy fades, and a
new goal soon emerges, perpetuating the sense that what one currently has is
still not enough.
Psychologist Steven Pinker (1997)
also argued that the direct pursuit of happiness, understood as the pursuit of
pleasurable emotional states, is often a formula for disappointment. According
to Pinker, human emotions evolved through natural selection to promote survival
and reproduction, not to maintain a prolonged state of satisfaction. When
individuals focus excessively on accumulating the trophies of achievement, they
risk overlooking the value of the journey itself, where presence and
psychological flexibility are the true sources of enduring meaning.
Values: The Inner Compass
If goals represent specific
destinations, values function more like an inner compass. Values refer to
deeply held desires about how one wants to live and the qualities one wishes to
express through everyday actions.
The fundamental distinction is that
goals can be completed, whereas values are never finished. For example, one may
achieve the goal of getting married, but one never completes the process of
becoming a loving partner. This quality must be continually enacted through
daily behaviors and decisions.
For this reason, values provide a
more sustainable source of motivation. While goals often depend on external
circumstances and factors beyond personal control, acting in accordance with
values can always be practiced in the present moment.
A striking illustration of this
principle emerges from research conducted by the World Health Organization
(WHO) in refugee camps. In contexts where many important goals, such as
securing stable housing or obtaining meaningful employment, become nearly
unattainable, many refugees nevertheless maintain meaning and resilience by
connecting with core values. Although they cannot change the harshness of their
circumstances, they can still choose to treat themselves and others with
kindness, compassion, and perseverance. By focusing on what remains within
their control, namely value-driven action, individuals can preserve dignity and
psychological vitality even in the face of painful gaps between aspiration and
reality.
Psychological Flexibility and
Committed Action
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
(ACT) help individuals cultivate psychological flexibility, the capacity to
remain present, accept difficult internal experiences, and continue pursuing
what truly matters.
Within this framework, people are
no longer fully governed by the mind’s automatic reactions. Instead of falling
into obeying, treating negative thoughts as commands that must be followed, or
struggling, attempting futilely to eliminate unpleasant emotions, individuals
learn to unhook from these thoughts. From this position of psychological
freedom, they can engage in committed action: concrete behaviors, however
small, guided by values rather than by fear.
According to ACT, qualities such as
courage or compassion are not traits that appear only when the right emotional
state emerges. People can feel anxious, trembling, or afraid, biological
fight-or-flight responses, yet still choose to act in accordance with what they
value. Within the ACT framework, success is not defined by achieving a pleasant
emotional state but by the ability to live consistently with one’s values in
the present moment.
Conclusion
We often assume that success is a
reward waiting at the end of the road, reserved for those who have reached the
summit of their goals. In reality, success does not lie in achieving goals but
in living according to one’s values here and now. A person can become
successful immediately by choosing to act with kindness in this very moment, even
when their larger goals remain distant or have already collapsed.
Like the second child on the road
trip to Disneyland, happiness does not reside in the moment of finally seeing
Mickey Mouse. Rather, it lies in the capacity to experience and engage fully
with every segment of the journey.
References
Harris, R. (2021). The happiness
trap: Stop struggling, start living (2nd ed.). Exisle Publishing.
Myers, D. G. (2010). Social
psychology (10th ed.). McGraw-Hill.
Pinker, S. (1997). How the mind
works. W. W. Norton & Company.
Tavris, C., & Aronson, E.
(2020). Mistakes were made (but not by me): Why we justify foolish beliefs,
bad decisions, and hurtful acts. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
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